


Surreal but Nice

by wabadabadaba



Category: Notting Hill (1999), One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Happy Ending, I can't believe I went 27 years without watching this goddamn movie, Kissing, M/M, Notting Hill, Notting Hill AU, Sad, alternative universe, this hurt to write
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-05
Updated: 2020-04-05
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:48:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23499283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wabadabadaba/pseuds/wabadabadaba
Summary: "I'm sorry," Harry rushed out."Why are you apologizing?"Zayn knew why Harry was apologizing but he needed Harry to say it so he could stop having feelings for Harry."For," Harry motioned behind him. "Don't make me say it."Or a Notting Hill AU. Zayn Malik is Hugh Grant and Harry Styles is Julia Roberts.
Relationships: Zayn Malik/Harry Styles
Comments: 2
Kudos: 30





	Surreal but Nice

**Author's Note:**

> I watched Notting Hill for the first time yesterday and cried for a few reasons; one of them being I will never be able to watch it for the first time ever again and another because I kept picturing Zayn as Hugh Grant and Harry as Julia Roberts. You'll understand my pain when you read this, maybe. 
> 
> I did use some of the lines from Notting Hill but I changed one of them a little bit so it fit better. Also I didn't follow the plot to a T, obviously. I adapted it to fit what I was imagining. 
> 
> I hope everyone is staying safe and sane. I hope you enjoy.

Zayn wandered the book store, his tattooed fingers ran over the sides of the books as he walked. The afternoon sun was peering into the bookstore as Zayn put away the stacks of books in his hand. As Zayn moved old books aside to make room for new ones dust was unsettled and the old rickety bookshelves swayed at the extra weight. 

The pain in his head above Zayn’s left eyebrow pounded as he walked back to the front of the store and looked at the inventory list he was supposed to complete by the time his shift ended in an hour. Zayn dropped the paper onto the desk and slumped down into the desk chair. He rested his head on the back of the chair and closed his eyes. 

He was close to dozing off when the chime above the door rang throughout the small bookshop. Zayn opened his eyes and watched as the customer walked down the second aisle. Zayn sighed and rubbed his face with his hands before getting up to go over the inventory. Twirling the pen around in his hands Zayn walked to the back of the shop and started checking off his list. Right as he rounded the corner to search the horror and sci-fi section, he accidentally ran into the customer who walked in earlier.

“Sorry,” Zayn apologized. “I wasn’t paying attention. Are you finding everything alright?” The customer smiled and nodded as he turned the book he was holding in his hand. “Oh, yikes, have you ever read anything by Chuck Klosterman before?” 

“No,” the stranger shook his head, the beanie sitting on his head slid slightly to the side by the action. “I haven’t. To tell you the truth, I haven’t done much reading since being out of school.”

The man took off his sunglasses and attached them to the collar of his shirt. Zayn gulped as he stared into the green as grass eyes of the international pop star, Harry Styles. 

“That book,” Zayn said pointing to Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs. “Might be too heavy to start off with. He offers very interesting commentary but it is hard to get through. Since you are just getting back into reading, I wouldn’t suggest that one.”

“Well then,” Harry smiled as slowly as he talked. “What do you suggest?”

“Chuck Klosterman wrote a book called Killing Yourself to Live. He goes cross country across the US going to places where rock stars have died. It’s not completely true but it’s a fascinating read.” 

“Alright, I’ll give it a try.”

Zayn smiled and took the book from Harry Styles and walked away to find Killing Yourself to Live. Once he was away from the singer, Zayn finally felt like he could breathe. The singer’s cologne was strong; it was a mix of the ocean and a bonfire. It infiltrated Zayn’s senses and caused his head to pulse a little harder. 

Once he found what he was looking for, Zayn walked back to Harry Styles, holding the book out to him. Harry's fingers grazed over Zayn's as he took the book away from him, turning it over in his large hand. 

The chime above the door distracted Zayn just enough to take a breath and step away from Harry Styles. 

"Let me know if you need anything else," Zayn tried to smile but it felt, shakey, like the way his skin felt after touching Harry.

Zayn began to walk to the front register when the girl who walked in moments ago and walked up to Harry Styles. 

"Can I have a picture?" 

Harry looked uncomfortable with the question and he was about to answer when Zayn spoke up.

"No pictures," he told her, pointing to the sign on the wall.

"This is a once in a lifetime opportunity," the girl frowned. "Please can't you make an exception?"

Zayn looked at Harry standing behind her, looking for some sign from him. Harry smiled and nodded slightly. 

"Just one," Zayn told her.

Zayn did his best to ignore the way Harry leaned towards the young girl and smiled widely. In a flash, the picture was taken and Harry's demeanor returned to normal. The girl thanked Harry profusely before turning to Zayn and thanking him as well. The girl ran out of the shop nearly knocking Paul, his coworker, down in the process. 

"I would like to say that is the first time a girl has run from the sight of me. Unfortunately, it is not." Paul handed Zayn a cup of coffee and gave him a small packet of Tylenol. "Here you go."

"Cheers," Zayn grinned and opened the packet and easily swallowed them. "Wanna work on inventory for me?"

Paul nodded and took the paper from Zayn, walking past Harry Styles not knowing who he was. Zayn tried not to smile at the way Harry strutted to the counter and set down the book. 

"Did you find everything okay?"

Harry's lazy smile turned into a smirk, his weight shifted to his other foot so he was leaning against the counter. 

"Yes, yes I did."

Zayn cleared his throat and rang the book up. "Excellent."

Zayn wanted to say more, he wished he could be more like his flatmate and ask Harry out on a whim. He has always been shy and reserved though. Zayn didn't think someone with soft curls and dimples like Harry would want to go out with someone like Zayn; reserved and awkward. 

"Thank you for coming and have a nice day."

Harry slid his sunglasses back on and left the bookstore. 

"Thank you for coming," Zayn groaned as he grabbed the stack of books from behind him and walked off, the scent of Harry Styles still lingering in the air.

♡

Zayn weaved his way in and out of the crowd, trying to make his way home. The streets were full of people enjoying the nice weather and on any other day, he wouldn't be in such a rush to get home. He might even take the long way home and sit at the park and read. Today, however, his head was throbbing from his hangover and Harry Styles cologne. 

"Fuck!" Harry yelled.

"Shit," Zayn stared at Harry's now coffee-stained shirt. "I'm so sorry!"

Zayn slung his bookbag around his front so he could dig around and try and find napkins. 

"It's fine."

Harry said it was fine but his tone said otherwise. Zayn felt awful and positively embarrassed. He wanted to slide into the manhole Harry was standing on. 

"No, it's not. I'm so sorry. My flat is just down the street, I can fix it. I'm sure my mom sent me a Tide pen or something."

"No," Harry sighed as he fixed his hair under his beanie. "It's fine."

"I feel awful. Please," Zayn pleaded. "My flat is just down there," Zayn pointed down the street. 

"Where, exactly?" Harry asked.

"Just passed those trees there, the blue door? Right there."

"Okay," Harry nodded. "Lead the way."

When the pair got to Zayn's, he cleared the entryway and allowed Harry to follow him. For once in his life, Zayn wished he listened to Liam about keeping up with a cleaning schedule. 

"Hang on."

Zayn whirled around his flat and tidied as much as he could before returning to the entryway and smiling at Harry. 

"Alright come on."

Zayn led Harry through his apartment and to his room. He watched as Harry looked around his spray-painted walls while Zayn rummaged around his things for a Tide pen. 

"Maybe the bathroom," Zayn muttered.

Zayn tore through his medicine cabinet and the shelves under the sink but he couldn't find what he was looking for. "I'm sorry-" Zayn stopped walking as he watched Harry unbutton his shirt. His fingers expertly slipped the buttons through the small holes as he looked at the polaroids on his wall.

"Who are they?" Harry asked.

Zayn walked closer to Harry, his cologne encompassing his senses yet again. 

"That's my parents and my younger sisters. Those are my best friends."

"I like this one."

Harry traced over the square picture. In it, Zayn was wrapped up in his friends, his smile was bright and wide. Harry turned to face Zayn, the shirt he was holding fell to the floor as he turned to face him. Zayn couldn't stop his eyes from trailing across Harry's torso. Tattoos perfectly highlighted his collar bones and lower stomach. Zayn looked at the scattered tattoos on his arms before looking back up at Harry's eyes. 

They were sharp and daring. Zayn wanted to disappear in them forever. 

"Did you find what you were looking for?"

Zayn took a step back as he shook his head. "No, I didn't. But you can take one of my shirts. There is a slight height difference but," Zayn trailed off.

"That's okay."

Zayn sat on his bed as Harry looked through the shirts hanging in his closet. He picked out an orange, brown and yellow shirt and slipped it on. 

"A little tight on the arms," Harry grinned. "But it will do."

Zayn watched silently as Harry rolled the sleeves up a few times before stepping closer to Zayn. Harry rubbed the stubble on Zayn's jawline before placing his hand on his shoulder as he leaned down and kissed him. Zayn was shocked and felt paralyzed as Harry's lips worked against his own. Just as he was about to kiss him back, Harry pulled away.

Zayn stood up, his legs felt weak as he made eye contact with Harry. He pushed himself into Harry and kissed him, and sighed into it as Harry ran his tongue on his bottom lip. Harry tasted like coffee and chocolate, it was irresistible and Zayn only hoped he tasted just as good to Harry.

"Zayn! You will never guess what happened!"

Harry pulled away and glanced at Zayn's doorway as he stepped back. 

"That's my flatmate, Niall. I'm sorry," Zayn apologized. 

Harry smiled as he took his beanie off. "It's okay. I should leave, anyway."

Zayn couldn't talk as he watched Harry tuck the beanie into his back pocket and ran his hands through his curly hair. Zayn wondered what it would feel like in between his fingers

"Right, I'll walk you out then."

Zayn led Harry down the stairs and ignored Niall in the kitchen and walked Harry to the front door.

"Thank you," Harry smiled, his fingers rubbed Zayn's jaw again. "For the shirt."

"Not a problem."

"And for allowing me to be normal."

Zayn wished he had his friend, Louis's humor, he could slip in a joke and ease the tension. 

"Of course. I mean, you are normal."

Harry laughed and Zayn wished he could bottle the sound to listen to later. Harry kissed the side of Zayn's mouth. 

"Thank you," he whispered.

"Yeah," Zayn nodded. "Yeah thank you. I mean this was surreal but nice."

Harry grinned again before opening the door and leaving. Zayn slumped against the wall and rolled his eyes.

"What is wrong with you?" He mumbled to himself as he tore himself away from the wall and went to find Niall.

♡♡

Zayn stared at the neatly folded floral shirt on his desk. It belonged to Harry and with his mum's help, he was able to get the coffee stain out. He didn't have information to contact Harry and tell him that his shirt was clean and ready for him. Zayn thought about keeping it, even thought about wearing it but it didn't smell like Harry anymore since he washed it. The slim possibility of seeing Harry Styles again was enough for him to wrap the shirt in tissue paper and put it in his bag, in case he figured out how to get it back to him.

While at work Zayn spent his morning actually working. He put away new books, returns, and made sure things were in their rightful place. In the second half of his shift, he worked on something a little more personal. Zayn was never a big Twitter user. Louis had one and forced him to make one as well but Zayn found that it caused his anxiety to worsen. Zayn didn't think the constant stream of information was good for his mental health, or anyone's for that matter. 

Zayn easily found Harry Styles Twitter account and sent him a DM.

_Hey, it's Zayn Malik. We met the other day. I have your shirt, got it all cleaned for you. How can I get it back to you?_

Once the DM was sent, Zayn was tempted to look at Harry's account but he felt like it was an invasion of privacy. Zayn's whole body felt like it was tingling after he sent the message. The anxiety was a familiar weight on his shoulders as he finished the rest of his shift. 

Zayn didn't want to sit at home and feel like he couldn't sit still so he took the long way home. Walking was always something to ease the tension Zayn felt in his body. It was a way for him to work out the antsy feeling that coursed through his body like a dull drum. 

Ever since Zayn was little, he has dealt with anxiety problems. It was a mixture of general anxiety and social anxiety. If it wasn't for meeting Niall in college, Zayn was positive he would have turned himself into a hermit long ago. 

After chain smoking three cigarettes and walking as slow as possible, Zayn made it to his flat. Niall was sitting in the living room shirtless and playing Call of Duty. 

Zayn rolled his eyes and ruffled Niall's hair. "Did nothing again?" 

"I showered today!"

Zayn grimaced and removed his hand from his hair. "You should be showering every day, Niall."

Zayn walked away from Niall before he could answer and went to his room. He changed from his work clothes and into an oversized Motley Crew shirt and sweatpants. Zayn opened his laptop and started playing his art playlist before settling himself on the floor in front of a halfway completed canvas. 

Just as he was going to start working, his phone sounded with a notification. He reached on to his desk and grabbed it, nearly dropping it in the process when he saw the notification was from twitter. Harry Styles wrote him back.

_The Ritz. 4 PM, tell them you are there to see Kiwi and they will direct you to the correct place._

Well. That was something Zayn didn't expect. Of course he wanted to see Harry again and it was the right thing to do, return his shirt. Zayn felt a twinge in his heart knowing that a reminder of their first meeting, wasn't going to be his anymore. 

Zayn checked the time, he had to meet with Harry in an hour. It would be just enough time to shower and look presentable so Zayn jumped up from his spot on the floor and ran to his bathroom.

♡

Zayn's hand shook as he knocked on the door to the suite before him. He was nervous, the tension in his shoulders was slowly creeping up to his neck. His palms felt sweaty and he was very nauseous. Finally, the door opened and Harry stood before him. His hair was wet and dripping onto his barren shoulders. He was only wearing a pair of mustard pants. 

"Uhm hi-" Zayn cleared his throat. "Hey."

Zayn moved his bag to the side and grabbed the tissue paper wrapped shirt and held it out to Harry.

"Why don't you come in?" Harry asked, stepping to the side.

Zayn nodded and walked past Harry, getting a strong whiff of his cologne. Zayn awkwardly stood in the entryway of the suite until Harry motioned for Zayn to follow him into the bedroom.

"You know," Harry spoke as he walked to the chair where he through his towel and started to dry his hair. "I expected you to keep the shirt."

Zayn remembered how Liam always told him to be honest but this didn't feel like the right time. He couldn't possibly admit to Harry Styles that he wanted to keep it, in fact, he wanted to wear it.

"It's not mine though." Zayn finally said.

"It could be. I mean, I was hoping to keep your shirt. I thought it would look so nice with these pants, don't you think?"

"Yes, it would. You should keep it," Zayn nodded. 

Harry grinned and walked over to his suitcase that looked like it exploded and took out Zayn's shirt and slipped it on. He spun in a circle and held his hands in the air.

"Well?" Harry asked.

"Incredible," Zayn answered honestly, maybe too honest.

"What does my shirt look like on you?"

"I'm not sure."

'Try it on then."

Zayn wasn't sure he heard Harry correctly but Harry was smiling at him, encouragingly and pointed to the shirt Zayn was holding. Zayn took his bag off and dropped it by his feet and slid his own shirt off. He saw Harry bite his lip as he looked at Zayn but he convinced himself he imagined it. 

Harry's shirt was big on Zayn, it hung off of his shoulders and went passed his waist. He felt embarrassed standing in front of Harry. He wanted to slip it off and apologize for ruining the shirt. Harry walked towards Zayn and unbuttoned the first four buttons to reveal parts of his chest tattoo.

"Beautiful," Harry muttered as his ring clad fingers traced over the design. 

In a flash, Harry was away from Zayn and looking at him like Zayn was a mannequin, or, a piece of art. 

"Tuck in the shirt a little, just one side."

Zayn did as Harry instructed and let his hands fiddle with the fabric hanging out of his pants. Harry walked up to him and put his hands over Zayn's.

"Don't," Harry whispered. "You're beautiful. You should be confident in yourself."

Zayn couldn't stop the scoff from emitting from his throat. Harry raised an eyebrow and looked at Zayn. He sighed and took a step back so Harry wasn't so overwhelming. 

"That's easy for you to say, you're brilliant. You're gorgeous."

Harry cocked his head to the side and looked at Zayn like he was speaking another language. "You don't think you're attractive?"

"I'm alright but I don't think it is fair to compare me in this shirt to you. It's totally different. It's like," Zayn sighed, he wished he had a cigarette. "It's like comparing the Mona Lisa to the Girl with the Pearl Earring."

"You're right," Harry nodded and Zayn felt his heart sink. "You can't and shouldn't compare the two. They're both equally stunning."

Zayn shook his head. "That's not what I was getting at."

Harry smiled, softly. "I know."

Zayn wished he had something smart to talk back, he wished he could speak easier and ease the tension.

"So who is who?" Harry asked. "Please say I'm the Girl with the Pearl Earring?"

"Of course you are," Zayn told him with the most confidence he has had since he entered Harry's hotel room. 

"Let me take you out for dinner tonight."

"Okay," Zayn answered quickly. "Okay. Wait," Zayn shook his head. "I'm sorry, tonight won't work. I have dinner plans with my friends. 

"Okay," Harry smiled. "Then take me on a date, let me be your plus one."

Flashes of the possible outcome of Harry Styles spending the evening in Liam's flat that was too big for him. He wondered what it would be like for Harry to be around his friends. He worried it would be a disaster, a beautiful disaster and Zayn wanted to experience it.

"Yes, okay."

"Excellent," Harry beamed. 

♡

Zayn was thankful when they left Liam's flat. His belly was full and his heart grew three sizes from witnessing Harry absolutely charm his way into his friend group. Harry wasn't even concerned by the way Louis followed him around like a puppy, even trying to go into the bathroom with Harry. He handled it with such grace, he laughed it off and said all the right things to let Louis know to back off. He complimented Liam's cooking, thanking him for the first home cooked meal he has had in months. Harry easily made Niall laugh and talked golf with him, something the rest of the boys found boring. 

"What's beyond those gates?" Harry asked, his smooth voice cutting through Zayn's thought spiral. 

"A park."

Harry stopped walking and turned to Zayn, his eyes said mischief and Zayn hated how he knew he was going to do whatever Harry wanted. 

"Let's explore it."

Zayn didn't tell Harry he has been to the park plenty of times. Instead, he found a way to jump the fence and helped Harry do the same. Once on the other side of the fence, Harry ran off into the open field. 

Zayn took a cigarette out and lit it before walking to follow Harry. Harry laid down on the ground and looked up at the night sky. The city lights were too bright to see the stars but it was still a beautiful view. Zayn sat down beside Harry and watched as Harry closed his eyes. 

Knowing that Harry couldn't see him, Zayn looked at Harry. His hair was sprawled out around his head and despite the darkness, his lips were still so pink. Zayn wanted to kiss him again but it wouldn't be right, wouldn't be appropriate. Zayn put out his cigarette and laid down beside Harry, his scent was intoxicating.

Zayn looked over the side when he felt Harry move. He propped himself up on his elbow and stared at Zayn.

"What?" Zayn asked, feeling anxious under his gaze. 

Harry ran his fingers through Zayn's hair as he smiled at him. "How are your eyelashes so beautiful?"

Zayn's breathing hitched as Harry delicately traced Zayn's cheekbone, his nose, jawline and finally, his lips. Zayn closed his eyes as Harry leaned over him and kissed him softly and gently. Zayn brought his hands to tangle in Harry's curls; they were just as soft as he imagined they were.

Zayn let out a breathy moan as Harry wrapped his leg around Zayn's waist so he was straddling him.

"Zayn," Harry sighed as Zayn tugged on his hair.

"Hey!" 

Harry and Zayn pulled away and turned to see a security guard, flashing a light at them.

"Fuck!" Zayn yelled as Harry scrambled off of him.

Hand in hand, they ran from the guard laughing and stumbling over each other. Somehow they escaped and once they were a safe distance away, Harry pushed Zayn into a brick wall and kissed him until his lips were swollen. 

♡♡

Zayn couldn't shake off the weird feeling he had from having dinner with Harry. For a reason Zayn was still confused by, Harry allowed Zayn to take him out for dinner. Zayn picked his friend, Lewis's restaurant where he knew they wouldn't be disturbed, or so he thought. The pair were tucked away in a corner enjoying themselves when a group of people were sat near them. 

It was easy to tune them out at first but eventually, the group started talking about Harry Styles music and public persona. Half the group said they loved his music and the other half said it was abysmal at best and they couldn't understand why he had to dress so _gay_. Harry begged Zayn not to say anything, asked him to let it go. It was difficult but Zayn did as Harry asked, until he heard someone say faggot. 

Zayn got up from his seat before he could even hear Harry's pleas and told the group off. He yelled and cursed at them until Harry was pulling him away. They hadn't said a word to each other the entire drive back to Harry's hotel. Harry offered Zayn a cup of tea in his suite but Zayn denied the request.

"I guess I'll see you around then," Harry reached out to Zayn but stopped himself. "I really did have a wonderful evening."

Zayn couldn't answer, he knew his voice would betray him so he simply nodded and lit a cigarette as Harry walked away. 

"Shit," Zayn whispered as he ran his hands through his hair.

It had been a long time since Zayn had been so upset. He hadn't heard anyone use the word faggot since he was a young boy, he really thought that people were more accepting. He thought times had changed. It hurt Zayn to think of the things people said about Harry. He assumed that was only a small glimpse into the critiques Harry received daily.

"Fuck this."

Zayn dropped his cigarette to the ground and stomped it out before entering the hotel and going up to Harry's suite. He expected to see Harry when the door opened. He was going to apologize for being stupid. Zayn was going to explain that when he was younger, people called him faggot all the time and he couldn't stand by and let those people talk about Harry like that. 

Instead, a beautiful woman with long blonde hair answered the door. She was wearing a beautiful dress that must have cost thousands of dollars.

"Hi," she smiled. "Can I help you?"

"I, uh, I am here to see Harry.'

"Give me one moment please."

The woman left the door slightly ajar as she walked away. Zayn could hear her call out for Harry, she called him sweetheart and Zayn felt his heart sink to the bottom of his stomach. When Harry did answer the door, Zayn was at a loss for words.

"I'm sorry," Harry rushed out.

"Why are you apologizing?" 

Zayn knew why Harry was apologizing but he needed Harry to say it so he could stop having feelings for Harry.

"For," Harry motioned behind him. "Don't make me say it."

Zayn crossed his arms over his chest. "Why? Why would you do this to me? You have the world and of course, it's easy for you to pick up a random person but did you ever think about how I was going to react? How badly you were going to hurt me?" Zayn shook his head, he wasn't going to cry. "Have fun with your girlfriend, Harry."

Zayn walked away, his heart breaking little by little when he realized Harry wasn't going to even try to get Zayn to turn back.

♡♡

The following months after Zayn's very short fling with Harry Styles, Zayn retreated more into himself. Niall begged and pleaded for Zayn to join him and other lads for a night out but Zayn refused every time. He still went to the biweekly dinners at Liam's but he didn't offer up much conversation and he didn't play around with Louis as much.

Ever since spending time with Harry, it was like he was everywhere. Anytime Zayn found a new playlist one of Harry's songs was on it. When Louis forced his way into Zayn's apartment and made him watch the Brit awards, he tucked himself in Louis's side when Harry accepted his award and thanked his girlfriend first. When Zayn met up with his sisters in London, he saw Harry's face plastered on a billboard. 

It wasn't easy to forget Harry Styles. Especially when he showed up on Zayn's doorstep drenched by the nonstop downfall.

"Fucking hell, Harry! What are you doing?" Harry wiped his nose and shrugged, unable to say anything. "Come in."

Zayn moved out of the way so Harry could enter his flat. He took Harry's hand in his and brought him up to his room. Zayn disappeared into his bathroom and got a towel before walking back into his room.

"You should change," Zayn whispered. 

Harry allowed Zayn to take his shirt off and helped him take his slick pants off. Harry wrapped the towel around Harry's shoulders and rubbed his arms. Zayn had a million questions to ask Harry. He had a million thoughts going through his mind and he felt like this visit was going to destroy him. 

Harry reached out and grasped Zayn's shirt in his hands as he crashed his lips to Zayn's. Zayn hated himself for immediately kissing him back and turning to putty in Harry's grasp. He allowed Harry's tongue to explore his mouth and helped take his own shirt off. Harry's lips were hot against his skin, and he desperately wanted Harry.

Zayn slid the towel off of Harry's shoulders and kissed his shoulders, his neck, and his collar bones.

"Zayn," Harry sighed as Zayn ran his hands through his wet curls and tugged. "Please," he whimpered.

"What, baby? Tell me what you want." 

"You," Harry cried as he tugged on Zayn's pajama pants. "Please I want you."

"Fuck Harry," Zayn moaned as he lightly pushed Harry onto his bed. "I'm yours."

♡

It was early in the morning, the pair hadn't been to sleep yet. Zayn was holding Harry in between his legs and playing with his hair. The sun was just beginning to rise and Zayn didn't think he could stay awake any longer. 

"Come on Harry, let's go to sleep."

Harry moved out from between Zayn's legs and settled himself beside Zayn so they were lying facing each other.

"I'm scared," Harry whispered. 

Zayn's hand immediately found Harry's bare waist. "Of what, my love?"

"Of losing you again."

Zayn hesitated, he didn't know what to say. He didn't know how to reassure Harry of something that neither of them could promise. 

"Harry," Zayn sighed. "I'm not upset with you anymore. I understand you have this other world apart from me. I'm just," Zayn closed his eyes and took a breath. "I'm no one important and that's okay, you know? I'm not asking to be anyone to you but I will always be here."

Harry nodded, tears falling down his face as he nuzzled into Zayn's pillow and closed his eyes. 

♡

Hours later Zayn woke up before Harry so he slowly got out of bed and put some clothes on before going downstairs.

"About time you wake up, sleepyhead," Niall grinned from his seat at the kitchen table.

Zayn just groaned in response and put the kettle on for a cup of tea.

"What's wrong with you?"

"Harry Styles is in my bed."

Niall choked on the sandwich he was eating and stared at Zayn. "Pardon?"

"Harry showed up last night, he's in my bed."

"I thought you were done with him? You made that grand speech about moving on."

Zayn rested his head on the side of the fridge. "I know I did."

"Yikes."

Zayn chuckled and moved to grab a mug. "I know."

After Zayn made his cup of tea he sat outside and lit a cigarette, in hopes he could gain some clarity on the situation. All he could think about was the way Harry looked underneath him, unraveling and trusting Zayn. He remembered the way Harry's eyes shone and his curls clung to his forehead. Zayn absentmindedly touched his hip where his heart tattoo was located and where Harry spent most of his time kissing. 

"You alright?" 

Zayn's eyes flung open as he turned to see Harry, wearing his clothes. He looked shy and timid standing in the doorway; such a contrast to the night prior when he was on full display and unashamed. 

"Yeah, just lost in thought. Come on then, join me."

Harry sat down in the seat next to Zayn and motioned for his cigarette. "Can I?"

Zayn handed it over and lit himself a new one. "So," Zayn sighed. He could feel the tightness in his chest and his fingers felt like they were tingling. "What brought you back here?"

Harry slid down in his seat and curled his legs under him, making himself smaller. 

"Well my girlfriend and I, we broke up."

Zayn's heart fluttered. "I'm sorry to hear that."

"It's fine, it was for the best really. Neither of us were really into it. But uhm rumors started going around that I was seeing one of the guys on my team. He's a really good friend and he helps me write my music, that is all he has been. I didn't mind the rumors, I mean it happens you know?"

Zayn didn't know but he nodded sympathetically anyway.

"But there were some fans, some people and articles about me that called me some names. They didn't want to support someone who was gay. Which I'm not, I mean," Harry shut his eyes and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "It doesn't matter what gender anyone is. So anyway, radios picked up the rumors and late night talk shows picked it up. I couldn't go through one interview without being questioned about my sexuality. I never thought the world needed a label. I mean, I figured if I never addressed it, no one would ask. They would go with the flow like I do. But people do care, they care a lot. My management-" Harry faltered.

Zayn moved so he could rest his hand on Harry's knee. 

"They want me to get a new girlfriend. They want to hire someone. I don't want that and why does it have to be a girl? I don't want anyone to be upset with me or dislike me because of this but if they don't accept me then I don't want their support."

Zayn hated to see Harry cry, it was the second time and it felt like too much. He stomped out his cigarette and did the same with Harry's before wrapping his arms around him.

"I'm sorry," Harry cried into Zayn's shoulder. "I'm sure you don't want to hear about all of this after the last time we saw each other."

Zayn didn't want to think about that and he didn't want Harry to worry about that either. 

"Harry," Zayn sighed. "I asked because I wanted to know. It's okay. I mean, yeah the last time I saw you sucked really bad but you're here now. That's all that matters."

♡♡

Zayn wished that what he told Harry months ago, curled up in each other was true. He wished that Harry escaping to see him when he was unhappy was all that mattered. He wished he could have been enough for Harry. Their perfect weekend together where they stayed inside Zayn's flat and ordered take away in between memorizing every inch of each other's bodies. Their perfect weekend where Harry wasn't a pop star and he looked at Zayn like Zayn was everything Harry could ever want.

It was interrupted of course by Harry's manager showing up and taking him away to do more tv appearances. Zayn wanted to forget the way Harry looked at him as he allowed his manager to pull him away. Yet every time Zayn closed his eyes he saw the despair and the apologies in Harry's eyes. It's okay, Zayn called after him, knowing it wasn't okay but wanting to make Harry feel better about the situation.

Months after the perfect weekend, an envelope showed up at Zayn's door. Inside it was a note that said _I'm sorry, come see me? Same hotel, same room_ , and a key card to a hotel room.

"I shouldn't go, right?" Zayn asked standing in Lewis's restaurant as he paced back and forth.

"No," Liam agreed, always the sensible one. "You shouldn't go. He left you, again, Zayn. He could have reached out but he didn't."

"I don't think he could have," Louis spoke up. "I mean he showed up at Zayn's door and tells him about getting a pretend girlfriend. Surely his management wouldn't let Harry reach out to him."

"He did though, he sent Zayn a key to his room," Niall added, eating a chip from Liam's plate.

Zayn looked at Lewis who was busy packing up his failing restaurant. "What do you think?"

"I don't think you want my advice, mate. I'm the one who lost his business. I'm not very good at holding onto things."

"Right, right. I mean neither is Harry. I mean, he is so hot and cold with me. We met and had this whirlwind week together and then he disappears with his girlfriend. Then he shows up, begs me to be his and then disappears again. I shouldn't go."

Zayn sat back down in front of his half-eaten plate of food. He could hear the boys chatting about something else but he couldn't focus on their conversation. He was too busy trying to reassure himself he was making the right decision. 

He toyed with the envelope again before taking the note and the key out. The envelope fell to the ground so Zayn quickly picked it up and noticed another note written inside the envelope itself. 

_Sunflower, my eyes want you more than a melody.  
Let me inside, wish I could get to know you._

Zayn's hands rubbed his neck where his sunflower tattoos. He stood up from his chair and stared at his best friends who looked just as shocked as him.

"I'm, I'm going. I have to go."

"Yes mate! Go on then!" Louis yelled as Liam asked if he was sure.

Zayn kept rubbing his neck as he answered. "Positive."

Zayn grabbed his jacket from the chair and quickly put it on before stuffing the note and key card into the envelope and putting it in his pocket.

"I gotta get a taxi, shit."

Zayn's hands were shaking so bad he couldn't unlock it. Louis jumped up from his chair and grabbed his keys from the table. 

"I'll drive you, come on!"

Zayn said goodbye to his other friends as he ran behind Louis and got in his car. Louis was going off on a rant about how romantic all of this was but Zayn couldn't concentrate. He felt nauseous, giddy and electric all at once. He couldn't stop his leg from bouncing in his seat and his hands couldn't stop tugging at his shirt or his jacket or messing with something in Louis's car. 

"Zayn," Louis spoke as he parked in front of the hotel. "Remember to breathe all right?"

Zayn nodded and thanked him for the ride before walking into the hotel. Zayn thought about what he was going to say to Harry, what he was going to ask him. He worried that this was going to be another secret weekend and Harry would disappear. 

As Zayn stared at Harry's hotel door in front of him, he was worried that this was a misunderstanding. He worried he would open the door and there would be another beautiful woman calling Harry sweetheart.

Zayn closed his eyes and took a deep breath before finally opening the door. "Harry?" He called out.

Zayn watched as Harry walked into the living room. His hair was longer, it curled around Harry's face perfectly. His eyes looked sad and worn down. He was wearing a sweater and shorts and yet he was still the most beautiful person Zayn has ever seen.

"You came," Harry smiled.

"Yeah," Zayn sighed. "I didn't know if I would but the sunflower," Zayn's hand found his neck again. "Plus if I remember correctly, I told you I was yours."

"I don't deserve you, I left again. I showed up and hid you away for a weekend just to leave again."

"That's the life, right?" Zayn asked, shrugging and trying to make it seem like he wasn't as heartbroken as he had been.

Harry shook his head as he walked closer to Zayn. "I don't want it to be, I don't want to hide you away and keep you a secret. I don't want it to seem like I use you for a weekend and that's all you mean to me."

Zayn gulped and tried to catch his breath. "I allowed it to happen. I didn't ask for more."

"I did though," Harry told him, running his hand through Zayn's short hair. "I asked you to take me and you did. You said I was yours."

"And I meant it," Zayn told him honestly.

"Here I am again, asking too much of you. I can't promise a perfect life. I can't promise that the critics and fans will be kind to you. I can't promise a lot," Harry sighed as he caressed Zayn's jaw. "But I'm just a boy, standing in front you, asking you to love me."

"I do," Zayn breathed as he leaned up and kissed Harry. "I do love you."

Zayn allowed Harry to pull him close and kiss every inch of skin he could find. 

"I'm not asking for perfect," Zayn sighed. "I just want you, I don't want you to disappear again."

Harry tangled his fingers through Zayn's hair and kissed his swollen lips again, this time more gentle. "I'm yours."


End file.
